I'm A Boy, Dammit!
by Xanie
Summary: When Tobi mistakes Deidara for a girl, what would happen between them? A kiss, perhaps? Obj. Omn., 3rd Person PoV Birthday fic for RESUKA AKARII!


_**A/N**_**: I'M BACK! ****With a DeiTobi, at that.**** This is for RESUKA AKARII. Lubb you! And please tell Mr. What's-His-Face that I'll take back my cute statement if he keeps on ignoring me. Yes, your monkey!**

**-17-**

_**DISCLAIMER**_**: You just had to make me say it, don't you? Nope, none of the characters are mine, The plot is though, I swear, if I get paid a toonie for every idea for a fanfic that I get, my bank account wouldn't be empty right now. . .**

**-17-**

It was a very rainy afternoon. A storm just hit, making the weather change from hot and sunny to rainy and cold in an instant. Not to mention humid.

In the middle of all the rain sat a little child, hugging its knees and rocking back and forth. The child had no shelter, and was therefore soaking wet. Its breath was ragged, like it had just been running, or screaming – or both.

At the other end of the street, a little boy, umbrella in his hand and a mask on his face, was walking. He was singing as well. **(1)**

_"Rain, rain, go away, come again, another day. Little Tobi wants to play, rain__ rain__, go away."_

The boy jumped through the largest of the puddles, splashing water everywhere.

Unfortunately, the child was splashed as well. So now, the child is _fuming_. "Hey!"

"Huh?" Tobi – the boy with the mask and umbrella – looked around, trying to locate the source of the voice that evidently caught his attention.

"Over here, un!" cried an irritated muddy form. "How _dare_ you splash me, un!"

_"Is it a bush over there? How can it talk?"_ Tobi wondered in his mind, getting more frightened by the second. He decided to be brave, but run for it when he decides that the bush _is_ planning on eating him. "Who are you?" he asked, cautiously approaching. Hey, he's heard of people being eaten alive by plants. **(2)**

"Deidara, yeah," replied the 'bush'.

"I'm Tobi! It is nice to meet you!" Tobi answered, waving.

"Un."

"Eh?"

"Nothing, un."

". . . Deidara-chan, you're not planning on eating me, are you?"

At this, Deidara burst out laughing. "Why would I eat you, un?!"

Tobi shrugged. "I've heard of man-eating plants, you know." **(3)**

In a matter of seconds, Deidara's grin turned into a frown. "What do you mean 'plant', un? I'm a human, baka!"

Tobi tilted his head in questioning. "Sure doesn't seem like it.

Deidara scoffed, then jumped on Tobi, strangling him. "What are you trying to say, un? That I don't look human?!"

"I-it's just that – ack! – you are so – _ack!_ --" Tobi, still in the clutches of his new 'friend', spluttered.

"I am so what, un? So WHAT?!" Deidara asked, still strangling Tobi.

"Y-you're so – ack! – muddy!" Tobi, Deidara's hold still tight around his neck, finally managed to say.

"That is your own damn fault, un! _You_ splashed me with icky muddy water, yeah!" Deidara yelled. Nobody was in the street as it was still raining. Even if there _were_ people around, Deidara wouldn't have cared anyway.

"Really? Oh, I'm terribly sorry then! Gomen!"

"You better be, un," Deidara muttered.

T o Tobi's relief and utter joy in experiencing a second chance in life, Deidara finally let go of his neck. "I really am. Can we be friends now?"

Deidara pretended to think. "Let me consider; how about no, un?"

"How about yes?"

"Aww . . . Well, if you don't mind, can I at least ask you a question?" Tobi insisted. He began walking alongside Deidara, who, upon seeing Tobi, walked faster.

When Deidara didn't answer, Tobi clasped his hands together and kneeled in front of Deidara. Deidara's way was pretty much blocked. "Onegai?"

Deidara sighed, then nodded in defeat. "Fine. One question and one question only, un."

"Yes, yes! Tobi's a good boy. Tobi's really obedient, you know!" Tobi stood up, and they both started walking again.

"Psh. Sure doesn't seem like it, yeah. What's your damn question, un?"

". . . Why are you out in the rain?" Deidara abruptly stopped walking. "Eh? Something wrong?"

"You question, un. Change it."

"Why?"

"Just . . . Do it, un."

"Do what?"

Deidara groaned. "Just how stupid can you be, un?!"

Tobi had to act fast to stop Deidara's wrist. After all, the child wanted to rip its own hair off in anger. "No! Don't pull your hair! It's too pretty!"

" . . . Did you just call my hair _pretty_ , un?" Deidara asked, eyebrow twitching madly.

" . . . Would you strangle me again if I said yes?"

"Yep."

" . . . Then no."

"Thought so, un."

" . . . Your name's Deidara, right?" Tobi asked, getting only a short hum in return, which he took as a yes. And, in the midst of the rain, and to Deidara's bewilderment as well, Tobi wondered out loud, "Deidara-chan, do you have a boyfriend?"

Deidara, in total astonishment, spluttered, "W-what? No! Of course not, un! If you meant friend-that's-a-boy, still no! Yu didn't have to put the word 'boy' in front of it, un! I will _never_ have a boyfriend, un!"

"I _did_ mean boyfriend, though. And why not? You're pretty and wonderful," Tobi innocently mused, tilting his head to he side.

"You just called me pretty, yeah."

"Because you are."

"And now I have to kill you!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Tobi run like he had never run before. Deidara was close in his heels.

"That's right! _Run_, un!" Deidara yelled, pulling a kitchen knife out of nowhere, holding it like you would a kunai.

_SPLAT!_

Tobi landed face-first into a mud puddle. Deidara managed to stop running just before he went side by side with Tobi. Deidara sighed in annoyance, and in relief. "Never call me pretty again, un. Or else a mud puddle wouldn't stop me anymore."

Deidara started walking away, half-expecting Toni to pop up in front of his face like the mushroom that he is. It wouldn't be the first time, after all. But, when a few minutes passed and Tobi was still not in his face, instead of being glad, the blond child was worried. He didn't like the feeling, and his guts were telling him something as well.

To its utter chagrin, however, somehow, the child's legs moved of its own free will. They led it back to Tobi, who was, apparently, enjoying the impromptu mud bath. Eyebrow twitching yet again, Deidara poked Tobi on the side. No reaction. Deidara poked him again. And again. And again. Deidara poked Tobi even more after that. Still no reaction.

At this point, Deidara was already panicking. What if the mud killed Tobi because of Deidara, and Deidara doesn't know about it? Then Deidara can't brag!

Deidara decided to voice this dilemma out. "Hey, are you dead, un? I'll count to three, okay, un? If you don't say anything or move by then, I'll start bragging about killing you, yeah?"

Still no answer. Deidara started to count. "One, un . . . "

"Two, un . . ."

"Three, un. . ." When Tobi still didn't move, Deidara jumped around, yelling, "I killed my first victim! I'm one step closer to being an S-class criminal! Yeah!"

The child aspiring to be an S-class criminal started running, ready to brag at the top of its lungs.

"You know, Deidara-chan, it is okay to be sad too. . ." The child immediately stopped rejoicing, its ears twitching. Deidara turned around and faced Tobi, a vein pulsing.

"WHAT?! You're still alive, un?! And what are you talking about?! I'm _happy_, yeah! At least until I found out you weren't dead after all, un . . ."

"My question." Tobi suddenly took on a serious tone.

"Un?"

"Why were you out in the rain? I know you avoided it because the answer is sad, but I want to sympathize, so please tell me."

Deidara considered this for a moment, and then complied to Tobi's request. If he told anyone else anyway, Deidara will just have to really kill him, so all's well that ends well.

"I like art, and I love bombs. I consider my bombs art, so I make them as dangerous as I think they are beautiful, un. Thing is, my village thought I was a freak, and they shunned me out. That's why I want to become an S-class nin, yeah. I want to kill my village, un. All of them. That's also why I was where you saw me, un. I have nowhere to go."

Tobi was sobbing like a baby when Deidara finally finished his brief story. Deidara was startled. "Whoa, why the heck are you crying, un?"

"B-because you story is so sad, Deidara-chan!" Tobi let out, sons racking his shoulders.

"No, it's not, idiot."

"Just remember, Deidara-chan, whatever you like to do, whether it be bombs or art, as long as you're having a blast, it's all good."

"Un. . . "

"Ah! I have to go, Deidara-chan! I'm sorry!"

". . . Un."

"Maybe when we grow up, you'll be my girlfriend, ne?" And, to Deidara's shock, Tobi took his mask off, revealing a very handsome face of a young child. Without any warning for Deidara or hesitation to his part, Tobi leaned in and kissed Deidara full-on on the lips. It lasted for three seconds, and then Tobi was gone, leaving Deidara to stare into empty space as the clouds were drained and the sun finally came out.

After three minutes, Deidara blinked, realizing everything that just happened.

"Hey! Come back here, un! I'm a boy! _**I'm a boy, dammit!**"_

_"Art is a blast, huh? Un. . ."_

**-17-**

**(1) – Imagine chibi-Deidara and chibi-Tobi. . .**

**(2) - coughZetsucough**

**(3) - coughZETSUcough**

**-17-**

**A/N: Hey! I'm back! I'm so proud of myself, this is the first fic that I actually got to finish on time. . .**

**Anyways, as I said, this is for my friend, RESUKA AKARII. It's her birthday today, you know. At least, in here. December 14th, ne?**

**So, basically, Tobi mistook Deidara for a girl, which explains the whole pretty-wonderful-be-my-girlfriend thing. I got this idea from our drama improv. I'm pretty sure a girl named Samantha would know about it. . . By the way, one piece of advice: Never get near her monkey. It bites. Kidding! I hope me and Mr. Cheeky (Is that his name? I forgot. . .) find a point of peace together.**

**. . . Whoa. That sounded like we're both gonna be hit by a bus tomorrow morning. Hear that, mom?! I'm gonna be hit by a bus tomorrow! Better not leave the house, ne? (Haha, I want to spend my Saturday nice and dry, thank you very much.)**

**Got really nothing to say, 'cept . . . REVIEWS, PLEASE?**


End file.
